Random Quotes
To be quite honest most of my colleagues and friends are nuts…. Sometimes scarily so. For the amusement of everyone else here are some small quotes from my daily life..
Jamie:
“My nan could integrate with protx”
Mark:
“I got 3 queens on the flop”
Craig:
While discussing masturbation..
“I reckon Andy has got some range”
Mark:
“You’re much bigger than I thought”
Rick:
“I dont wash it, it smells of …”
for the sake of ricks health - the above quote has been censored 
Me to James:
“You go through women like underwear”
James in reply:
“What? Cum in them and sell them on the internet?”
Rick:
“If its organic, it came from a whales vagina”
Me:
“He’s gone downstairs to milk himself”
James:
“They don’t complain with Rohypnol!”
Rick:
“My Dad’s black and my Mum is a midget”
Me:
“I need to ease myself gently off of James”
James:
“Oops too late, now I need a moist towel”
Me:
“Taking the piss out of incontinence”
Nick:
“Come and fuck my face”
Rick:
“Your face reminds me of a bin bag I had a shit in”
James:
“My psychiatrist said I had “ISSUES”.. So I beat him to death with his sister”
James:
“.. and then he said, Please take your hand out of my dog”
James:
“I think Lyall is getting sick of wiping your faeces off his cock”
Lyall:
“Like in porn when it switches to the guys face for 10 seconds - you end up climaxing to a mans bright red screwed up veiny face”
PugDan:
“When I shag a lass it’s like lobbing a sausage down the mersey tunnel”
Jamie:
“Hotter than Jeremy Beadle’s good hand”
Rick:
“Subjectiveness makes me want to die”
Rick:
“Shagging women is for gays”
James:
“In and out cos your a bit of a trout”
Lyall:
“jesus christ, what the fuck is wrong with the world? having to tell teenagers how to look at their own beavers. fucks sake im off to France or summut”
Lyall:
“That’s a nice handbag Jamie”
Chris:
“I have access to old Crones, Buy them a pint and they’ll do anything”
Liam:
“Im sat on my shitter with my laptop on my knees”
Matt:
“I need someone competent with a tape measure”
Steve:
“her grandad just died so I moved in for a grope…”
Paul:
“I’m keen for James to not hold his ’stuff’ back”
James:
“I’ve not been touched like that since my dad died”
Lyall:
“It was weird, i’d never before seen to grown men going at it”
Nathan:
“Between me and Lyall, who would you rather have bouncing on your face?”
Me:
“I had a couple of black russians on my holiday”
Lyall:
“It comes up when she rings me”
Chris:
“I want to be slapped lyall”
Nathan:
“I cant get turned on by normal porn anymore”
Lyall:
“I dont think i’ve ever got it over my hand”
Lyall:
“One time I was having a 4-way and all 3 of them came after me… I won”
Lyall:
“I always skip to the end, for the money shot”
Nick:
“Dude you can see her spleen”
Nathan:
“I dont want to see romance, just wanna watch em take it up the arse”
James:
“No fox has ever done me a favour.. so fuck em”
James:
“The dead are NOT sexy”
Me:
“Unfortunatly, nathan has more entries than anyone else”
Me:
“Well it just came out of your mouth”
Nathan:
“Well Im gay, ok, but your strangely gay”
Nathan:
“If you do it for long enough you burn a hole in your pants.”
Martin:
“My phychologist refuses to acknowledge my sexual advances… ”
Nick:
“I tried to dump my girlfriend on sunday, but she talked me out of it”
Lyall:
“If I got any more bent, I’d be straight again”
Darren:
“If I had a womb I’d have your babies”
Nathan:
“He loves my mum, and she’s a lezza”
Nathan:
“If I came out and told you I was gay, you’d sit on my face”
Nathan:
“I like head”
Me:
“I mean WTF - if some bird chewed my cock I’d kick her in the fanny”
Lyall:
“I’d rather you didn’t spank my monkey”
Lyall:
“All I know is it smells when you take it out”
Nathan:
“Thats not love, its just sex”
Lyall:
“You dont have to be mongolian, any person can enjoy a mongolian cluster fuck in the traditional way”
Nathan:
“I think I have Lara Croft boxer shorts on today”
Nathan:
“My fingers smell like tuna”
Lyall:
“Do me”
Paul:
“You were playing with a sheep earlier”
Nathan:
“Its the face I pull when im screwing”
Paul:
“Bear with me, it’ll be over in 15 minutes”
Lyall:
“On a scale of one to Nathan, with nathan being the gayest possible situation ever, we are definatly in Nathanville”
Nathan:
“You have to go up to a naked man and touch him”
Darren:
“I’m pissed and this is getting deep”
Nathan:
“Taste my fudge”
Lyall:
“The best fudge comes from down south”
Nathan:
“Egg and snot”
Lyall:
“Its like watching king kong program a vcr”
Lyall:
“I can stick it between my ass cheeks as a treat if u like”